Advanced Tickets $40, $60 at the door, BUY NOW!


Ladies and Gentlemeen; it is my profound honor to present to you…mumblemumble
mumblemumbleGREASTEST SHOWMAN of the…mumblemumblegrumblegrumble..UNBELEIVABLE ATTEMPS of …hushedtonesandmoremumbleingmumblegrumble…MOST IMPROVED …..BIGGEST…
SPECIAL OLYMICS AWARD WINNER….tatatatatatatatatatattatatattat …ONE NIGHT ONLY…..
********************************CHICKEN JOHNSON!!!!!!!******************************

Presenting the never before attempted, pre-empted and contempt-ive show of schmoose. The show for anyone who's no-one, and that's just about all of you… READ ON, and remember, you asked for it…


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Hosted by admirable Admiral Hal Robins, join us as we cruise into the next (and final) century of our
meaningless existence on this gyroscopic rock of a toxic waste dump Earth, and behold the stupidity that is unrivaled by any other show, stupidity that YOU ASKED FOR(it)!!!!

We end the century with our triumphant return to the ocean in a ridiculous example
of de-evolution and have the final sha-bang of the millenium:

(drumroll)

The SS Dammit! Presents:

ROCK THE BOAT


Wave Bon Voyage to the 20th century with the Circus Redickuless crew on a night to dismember for a long, long time.

Retired Human Cannonball Rev. David Apocalypse will show his Museum
Macabre: the nautical niche. Oddities of the deep. In a separate room from the performance, Rev Dave will feature his oddities and mal-aligned deformities. A truly strange individual displaying truly strange things. Lounge on a 33-foot long couch in this room and marvel at the machine art installations of Jean Poulet.

SHIP OF FOOLS

High seas high concept with: Law vs. Chaos
The Chaos Pirate attacks the Ship of Fools, in attempt to put an end to bad variety
Shows once and for all. But Pirate cum salesman is weakened by logic, Admiral Hal's
Tongue is mightier than his sword. It's sermon vs savagery, and
faced in a battle with Chaos in its purest form, its avowed enemy the
Champion of Reason fights the Champion of Chaos, while both struggle
against logic itself in this confusion of why anyone would bother to battle
against logic itself. And in the end, truth shall prevail as we call for
Mother Time to pass the new millenium over to the
Baby New Year, as the enchanting Insecta Electrica holds in her
fragile hands the dazzling ball that is to represent the next 100 droppings
to set our watches by.


Our feature show is one not to be missed: a cruise ship style variety show (on a cruise ship built by Chris Campbell) with Danny, the Rubber Boy (a.k.a. STRETCH), Grease-ball Magician Mystic Marlow, fearless fishing with the amazing Jericho Reese,
the ROLLERETTES (all female roller skating drill squad), Card Trick Chris Helling from the Hunters Point Pirate Association, Admiral Hal Robins, Capt. Chickering John, Bianca Mike as SpamMan, underwater ballet with mermaid Betty Bubbles, Bill the Junkman as Mother Time, Insecta Electrica as the millenium Queen, Pervert from the junkyard as the baby new year, deep sea diving Mongaloid(the guy not the band), the NEPTUNES (all instrumental double necked guitar instrumental surf band), stage managed by circusboy (wish him luck), and special effects so special, we'll all get jobs with Disney after this one.

All this plus special guests that don't even know that I'm going to make them perform yet 'cause I can't find their phone numbers!

But no Michael Pepe. We guarantee no Michael Pepe or half your money back
in 4-6 weeks. A fresh, new millenium is no place for Michael Pepe and
although we wish him the best of luck, we don't want to tarnish our party.

Babes to Die For

Our opening act will feature... The Rollerettes. NOT the
Devilettes, Ladies and Germs, but a small splinter group from that troupe.
Gentlemen, these lovelies form a spectacle your bulging eyes and
slavering libidos will long remember, as clad in costumes cut so low,
in outfits so minimally skimpy that most dry cleaners won't accept
them for servicing. They perform their sensual, uninhibited undulations
all on roller-skates! Yowza! The Rollerettes will christen the ship of fools and provide a patriotic send off rivaling super-bowl halftime showstoppers (for those of you who have vivid imaginations).

We'll Rock YOUR Boat

The Neptunes are THE band this year and they are no less than Fresno's
Finest instrumental surf ensemble. They will provide the push that will
get you over the edge; between the cheap booze, churning waves, flying fish,
surf music and the sea-sickening Lighting effects you will feel as thought
you are under water. I guarantee it or half your money back in 4-6 weeks.

DJ Otto von Stroheim will spin to the wee hours until it's time
for beddy-bye in the Luxury Sleeping Cabin. Yes, all are welcome, are
encouraged to sleep over, rocked on the cradle of the deep. Bring
sleeping bags to keep in our Coat Check; recline on couches, mattresses
and other comfy stuff. After all, it's the ONLY underwater slumber party
for at least 500 miles in any direction-- or HALF your money back!

A Supreme Spectacle

Now, when we say "underwater," we're not asking everyone to
"imagine" the setting; this isn't some Junior High Prom-style conceit,
abetted by a few lame decorations. No, I, Chicken John, promise you
absolutely MIND-BREAKING special effects, of a type we can't,
and won't prematurely disclose. But if you'll remember how we shot Rev.
David Apocalypse out of a cannon, ON FIRE last year, be assured that
THE SAME engineers will be at work on this mammoth project, creating
INTERACTIVE thrills of jaw-dropping splendor! It'll be kinda like being IN
some sort of Disaster Movie!

UNLIMITED Booze

That's right, your ticket INCLUDES the privilege of drinking AS
MUCH AS YOU CAN, matey! Once you get in, the self-service open bar is
free, free, FREE! Remember, OTHER shows you see advertised, with a higher
ticket price than mine, CHARGE for the drinks AFTER you get in, and
because it's new years, they will charge more for drinks as well!
There will be a fair amount of booze but no champagne, but you are welcome
to bring your own and bring extra to share. There is no cash bar; everything is free.
There will be a lot of people drinking, so bringing your own may be easier than waiting
in line… as you wish.

Wake up in 2000 AD

The next morning, we offer breakfast and coffee-- and even
cartoons! Treat yourself to a sumptuous breakfast cooked by Master Chef
and rugged individualist Robert Burke in our Hair of the Dog Kitchen.


Well, that's the show, except for some TRULY SPECIAL SURPRISES we
won't give away at this time. Remember, everyone you know will be there
plus all the people you don't know, but should. There IS nowhere else to
be, except cowering under your bed, obsessively clicking and unclicking
the safety on your pistol. And you can do that with us at our place, too.

I, Chicken John, encourage the slumber party aspect in
consideration of your safety as, remember, 3 billion yahoos from Freemont
invade our fair city in a demolition derby of drunk driving, puking on
everything. Traffic will be snarled, and cops will be a-bound.
Truly it's better, much better just to come and stay until the
madness has ended.

Then, maybe we can all loot together the next day.


(We're serious; I am actually PAYING Michael Pepe $150 NOT to
attend-- the same amount Joegh Bullock is paying him not to come to HIS
show. It looks like Michael's cleaning up this year, since at least 9
clubs are paying him BUCKS to stay away...)

So, ya wanna join the Water Ski Lodge, huh?

**************************************************************************************
Up-date and up to date on New Years Eve 2000 show

No, you don't know where it is, that's the whole point of advance tickets. Duh! Tickets are not available at the door and are close to being gone. We have 500 tickets total and we are into the 400 at this point. Tickets are $40 this week and that still the cheapest show in town considering the open bar aspect. I challenge you to find another underwater slumber party for 500 miles in any direction. If you do, I offer half your money back in 4-6 weeks if not on a leap year, then it gets complicated. I am hoping to be charging a lot to people I don't know this week, as I know that people I do know are well organized and have already bought their tickets and got them at the discount price. For those persons who are not organized, I will give a discount if you would like to go and can't deal with the rube rate. But you have to tell me what was used for communion wafers at the Church of the Bleeding Ulcer. If you're a scene person and you've been for a while you should not pay full rube from Freemont price and you surly will know what was served at communion. Well, on to the NEW and IMPROVED event description. It will be hard to top firing Rev. David Apocalypse out of a cannon on fire last year, but we're trying. And remember, if you've bought tickets, you are under you Lodge OATH to not disclose the location, as only lodge members are to attend this show. If you don't understand this, then never you mind, it's not for you. Only for LODGE MEMBERS. So nay.

>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> answers to a few questions >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*Tickets are available at Leather Tongue video, located at Valencia and 18th street.
*Tickets this week are $40.
*The event is located in the Mission district.
*What is open bar? It means that there is no cash bar, and we will provide a fair amount of booze. *However, if you prefer to bring your own, drink A LOT or want champagne, you're welcome to bring your own.
*Your also welcome to smoke inside as there is no 'in and out'.
*Yes, you may sleep there, really. Please be welcome to ACTUALLY sleep there. Like, get fucked up and not drive drunk. Bring a sleeping bag and check it at the coat check.
*Event doors open at 9:00. Bar opens at 10:00. Show starts at 10:30. Show doesn't end.
*Breakfast, coffee and cartoons are provided for your amusement and nourishment Sat morning.
*Porn-e-okie in not a featured performance at this particular event.


So I hope we'll here from ya on the phone: 415-695-2884
Or the mail chicken@dammit.org

And I hope we'll see ya there!
For those of you who have other plans I hope that your hopes and dreams
for the new millenium, as pointless and retarded as they are, will be
smashed to smithereens so we may share stories of our hopeless lives and
compare notes as to who suffered more for less good reason.
…Eventually, it all comes to the junkyard.
Sign up for the damnlist, a monthly post of weakly dosed stream of
unconscious: visit www.dammit.org and click damnlist.


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